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birthday again.

  I scrambled to write the excerpt I'm going to share down below one night in a fit of anxiety + general dread one night back in June. I get like this every June. I do this around New Year's, too.    I don't like the conception of time. I suppose it bothers me. It apparently worsens as I creep up the ladder of age. I do what I can to shift my thoughts onto anything lighter than the existential, but nonetheless: it remains.   I think I appreciate it about myself, if I'm honest. That is, if you take, "existential dread" + just shave off the "dread" portion. Annoyingly, being so chronically empirical about life can give one quite a bit of depth in perspective, I've found.   It makes moments more important. I document a lot of things because I have a fear of being forgotten, hence my love of photography & videography. I create so that I can try with everything in me to somehow let somebody know I was here on this planet, long after I'm gone. ...

What Would Your Life Look Like If Fear Never Interfered?

  Today's blog post is sponsored by a glass of White Zinfandel, late-night thoughts, and a really shitty ten-and-a-half hour day at work.
  "What would your life look like if fear wasn't a driving factor in your decisions?" I've had this thought randomly enter my mind ever since I listened to an episode from one of my favorite podcasts. The speaker brought up that question to a group of women that she had on the episode, and they all answered honestly on how they thought their own, individual lives might look like. Some said that they would have taken certain job opportunities that required a lot of risk, time, and dedication, some said that they would have had the courage to reach out to someone on the other end of a broken relationship to try and make amends, some said that they would go into public a lot more often after not having the crippling fear of what other people thought of them dictate their lives.
  Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just accepted the fact that fear is merely a chosen mentality. If I were to somehow grasp the idea that my mindset, plain and simply, is what sets the trajectory of my day, my week, my whole month, I feel like things would be a lot smoother. I would never hesitate, and I would never let the fear of failure win-over my deciding factors. Of course, this is only an ideal-type state-of-mind, but can you imagine? What would the possibilities in life reach to? The more I think about those plain, yet still very shocking revelations, it makes me want to cry. How insane is it that our own mind is often-times what's in-between us and living life to our fullest potential? We stand in our own way, most of the time.
  These are all, of course, rhetorical questions that need-only to be personally pondered on.



  kati

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