Living With Anxiety & Depression - How Writing Can Help

  When I was sixteen, I finally came to terms that I was undeniably depressed; I knew I'd been depressed for three years at that point in time. My depression came in waves-- some days were easier to trudge through, other days were closer to impossible when it came to keeping myself together. I remember there were so many days that came around where I truly didn't think I could go on anymore. Every now and again, I still have those days. Depression was, what I remember to be, my very first enemy.
  College years came and a new foe entered into my life: anxiety. At first, I remember wondering why I couldn't push past how terrified I was at the mere thought of applying for certain job positions, or why I couldn't stop myself from purposefully canceling plans with friends I hadn't seen in years, or why I kept flaking-out on important group events at school.
  Throughout the years, my anxiety has worsened and often manifests itself in hyperventilation and crying before going out into public, or even having to legitimately spend an extra three to four minutes in my running car in the parking lot of a store to simply gather myself, and talk myself into the human interaction that I'll throw myself into once I leave the "safety" of my bubble. I often feel like depression and anxiety, (especially anxiety), have been a major culprit in opportunities missed throughout my life, so far. It's so horribly sad to think about, and nothing hurts more than admitting that I honestly feel that way about this situation, despite how hard I work to change that part of my brain.
  One thing that has always helped me cope with the war that goes on in my mind, is writing. Writing has been there for me through everything. I had diaries and journals littered throughout my room while growing up, filled with nothing but pages upon pages of my own thoughts and experiences on whatever it was that I was facing at that point in time.
  Writing has been a friend to me, even in the moments where I felt alone or misunderstood-- especially the times when I couldn't even understand my own self. Writing helped me, and continues to help me process events that take place in my life that I simply cannot make sense of. Even now, at twenty-two years old, I often stress the importance of owning a diary at every single age; whether you are nine, or ninety-two, I feel like you should always own a diary where you are able to freely express yourself and your own, personal thoughts. Especially if you deal with mental (a) illness(es).
  Mental illnesses create such an empty, dark setting for your mind to bask in, against its will. Fighting with depression and anxiety causes you to feel like a shell of yourself on the harder days. They make you feel as if you are unloved, annoying, unwanted, unwelcome, too much to handle, too this, too that..
  Having a place where you are welcome to throw your emotions and experiences onto a blank sheet of paper is amazing; it gives you permission to create a map for yourself-- an outline that paints a picture for you to fully-grasp the meaning, or at least gain a better-understanding of whatever it is that you're going through. Writing everything on paper helps us to organize the events that we're facing, and make sensible choices once we've processed what's truly going on, instead of simply agreeing with what our minds make up on their own. We're able to remind ourselves that we are loved, enough, wanted, and needed, even when our heads say otherwise.
  If you don't have a diary/journal where you are able to write, I encourage you to go out and get one today. Personally, I don't know what I'd do without writing. If I'm being truthful, I don't think I'd be here right now. Writing keeps me sane, it helps me process, and it gives me the ability to cope.
  I hope that you don't ever feel like you're in this fight, alone. You are not. I am here, too.




kati